The Ridiculous Stories
by Aria Saeryen
Summary: Characters from several worlds are transported to a mysterious palace, where books keep appearing and they read them. Enjoy comments from Harry Potter characters, Barbie characters, Xandra from Neopets, and my Dragon Quest 9 OCs (Liarsha, Sieryek, Kali and Xandra) as they read my silliest writings starring them. WARNING: These stories contain an author self-insert.
1. The Chameleon Palace

**AN: For the purposes of favorite characters from many different worlds commentating on my "Ridiculous Stories", they will meet in the "Palace of Mysticals" which is like a dimensional hotspot between all worlds.**

**Also, Xandra from Neopets was (in my stories) possessed by Katriana the Fire Faerie during her past. This is why she reacts the way she does to certain parts of the story.**

"Oof!"

Sirius Black fell to the floor. He was somehow in this…palace type place. There was a table with an orange jewel floating on it, and the walls were all jewely sea-greenish.

He turned. His godson was sitting on a white couch next to a spiral staircase that he supposed led downward. Next to Harry Potter sat a young woman with deep blue eyes and light brown hair who seemed to be dressed in Renaissance-era clothing. Standing in front of a huge, golden mirror placed behind the table with the jewel were what looked like a green cat with teal hair, sea-green eyes and green fur with white spots, and another girl dressed in a witch's hat and colorful robe. Her hair was straight and green. Next to Sirius stood a blond-haired princess who, aside from her hair, was the spitting image of the girl sitting next to Harry.

"Okay…" said Sirius. "What are we all doing here?"

Suddenly, a book appeared in Harry's lap.

"Well," said Sirius, "let's at least know who everyone is. I'm Sirius Black."

"Harry Potter," said Harry.

"I'm Erika," said the girl sitting next to him.

"Xandra," said the cat. "My full name is Alyxandra, but I can't stand that name and for the love of Fyora don't call me 'Alyx'!"

"My name is Xandra, too!" said the green-haired girl. "My name is Xandra Cessair."

"Princess Anneliese Kendall Katten, of Kattenland," the princess said, curtsying.

Harry picked up the book.

"It's called 'The Chameleon Palace'," he said. "Hmmm…"

"Give me that," Sirius said, swiping it. "I want to know what this says."

He opened it and began to read.

**Saeryen, Erika, and Harry Potter**

"Well, we know why Harry and I are here," Erika giggled.

"Who is this 'Saeryen'?" Harry asked. "I don't know any 'Saeryen'."

"Neither do I," said Erika, looking nonplussed.

Sirius read on

**Saeryen, Erika, and Harry Potter all had to go into the Chameleon Palace.**

"Why?" said Harry and Erika in unison.

**The legendary thief Chameleon was there, and she had her invisible suit on.**

"Original name," said Xandra the cat sarcastically.

**She was planning to steal the Jewel of Kalador, so our heroes had to stop her!**

"'Jewel of Kalador'…" Anneliese said. "Does whoever wrote this mean this big orange jewel here?"

"What is this," asked Harry, "another Philosopher's Stone or something?"

**Saeryen sang quietly and the doors opened.**

"Alohomora!" sang Sirius. "That must be what happened."

**They would have to go through challenges.**

"Yep," said Harry, "definitely a Philosopher's Stone sort of thing."

**The first one was a foody one.**

Sirius laughed his bark-like laugh. "Foody"? Everyone joined in.

**Some girl with green hair told them to sit down.**

Everyone looked at Xandra Cessair.

"It must be me," she grumbled.

**"It's Xandra Cessair!" Saeryen cried.**

"I KNEW IT!" everyone shouted.

**"She must be possessed!"**

Xandra the cat shifted uncomfortably.

"Uh…" she said quietly.

Xandra Cessair turned to her with a concerned expression.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

The other Xandra didn't say a word.

Sirius read on.

**So Saeryen sang her dispossession song and Xandra teleported away to be with bunnies and pet all the bunnies.**

Xandra C. snorted. She had much better things to do than pet bunnies.

**Soon they were staring at Katriana, the evil faerie who was possessing Xandra.**

Cat Xandra let out a small yelp. Everyone turned to look at her.

"Are you okay?" Harry asked.

"No…" said Xandra, "no, it's nothing…"

**Katriana went on the stage and played a violin. They couldn't stop dancing! But Harry casted Katrynculus –**

"What?" Harry laughed, interrupted Sirius. "'Katrynculus'? Seriously?"

"Please don't interrupt again," Sirius said sternly. He took one look at Cat Xandra shaking and trying to hide herself before continuing on.

**But Harry casted Katrynculus and Katriana was turned into a cat.**

"Oh," said Harry as Cat Xandra sighed in relief. "'Cat-rynculus'. I get it." He was still laughing, though he was being very quiet as this story was obviously causing Xandra great distress.

**Then, a bunch of food appeared.**

"A 'foody' challenge, indeed," Anneliese giggled.

**They were about to eat it but Erika saw Preminger coming so they ran up the stairs.**

Both Erika and Anneliese flinched upon hearing Preminger's name.

**There was a big purple chairswing – **"What on Earth?" Sirius laughed. "This doesn't even make any sense!"

He was unable to keep from laughing as he read the next few lines.

** There was a big purple chairswing that could seat 100 people. Saeryen had a feeling that it was a trap. "We can't be sure!" said Harry.**

"Um, I would've played it safe," Harry said. "What kind of idiot just sits on a random piece of giant deck furniture? Hagrid's brother might just sit on you by accident."

**So they got on the swing and were instantly teleported to a hallway outside of a room where a choir was singing.**

Sirius laughed again. This was getting unbelievably silly.

**Erika listened closely to the song. "Seya yorr an katare katara," the girls sang.**

Sirius just kept on laughing and reading before anyone could ask him what that language was.

**"Katare katara" – "world of dance"! They had to go to the disco room!**

"Excuse me, but when and where did I learn that?" asked Erika.

**Our heroes looked for Chameleon while dancing to Barbie Explorer music.**

A chorus of laughter filled the room, loudest from those who knew what a Barbie doll was.

**Then Erika gasped. Beyond a cavern door she had surely heard Anneliese's voice.**

"What's a 'cavern door'?" Xandra Cessair inquired. "In all the caverns I've been in, there were no doorways, just up and down staircases."

No one could answer her.

**Harry covered the three with his invisibility cloak and snuck into the cavern.**

** Chameleon stood there, in a green, visible dress, her dark pink hair to her shoulders.**

"Hold it," said Harry. "I thought she was wearing her Invisibility Cloak! And is she Tonks's sister or something?"

**She had Anneliese all tied up!**

Anneliese gasped. So did Erika.

"Well, Preminger was in this castle earlier," Anneliese said. "I suppose she kidnapped me on his orders." Her tone grew angry as she said it.

**"Tell me where the Jewel of Kaladoria is!" she demanded.**

Everyone except Sirius pointed to the floating orange jewel and said, "There."

**"Never!" cried Anneliese.**

** "Katrynculus!" a voice shouted. Suddenly, Chameleon was a pink cat!**

"This writer seems to think turning the perpetrator into a cat is always the answer," said Harry.

**Saeryen cut Anneliese loose. Xandra Katorcia appeared.**

Xandra the cat laughed out loud.

"I suppose this person means me," she said, "seeing as the only other Xandra here is Xandra Cessair. But my last name's not 'Katorcia'," she giggled.

**She had turned Chameleon into a cat.**

** Thus, the Jewel of Kalador wasn't stolen!**

Everyone laughed and cheered.

"THE END!" Sirius read, closing the book firmly shut. It immediately disappeared. Everyone except Xandra the cat gasped.

"Where I come from, books do that all the time," she said. "It's really annoying."


	2. Preminger's Dastardly Plan

**AN: Thank you so much keelykelly for the nice review, I'm glad I made you laugh. It's kind of hard to write silliness that succeeds at being silly.**

"Are we going to go back?" Sirius wondered out loud to nobody in particular.

Suddenly, a particularly cheery girl's voice rang out.

"_Not yet_!" the voice said. "_Anyways, I'm sorry I had to put you here, but Dark Wizards are meow cat_."

Harry and Sirius couldn't stop laughing.

"Dark Wizards are _what now_?" Harry said through hearty laughter.

"_Harry Potter I love you forever_!" said the voice.

Sirius tried not to laugh, but he couldn't help himself. An embarrassed Harry buried his head in his hands.

A new book appeared in Cat Xandra's hands.

"This one's called _Preminger's Dastardly Plan_," she said. Anneliese and Erika gasped, and then laughed. What?

She opened the book and began to read.

**"HOW COULD I RE-FUUUSE!"**

Everyone laughed, including Xandra, and especially Anneliese.

**Preminger triumphantly belted out the last note of his song.**

"He sings?" Anneliese asked in disbelief.

**He had a new plan to take over Kattenland.**

Both Anneliese and Erika gasped.

**And it would involve the Queen of Dulcinia.**

Erika tensed up. What kind of "dastardly plan" would involve her?

"Warning," said Xandra. "Saeryen's coming back."

"Great," groaned a few people, while the rest giggled.

**Late that afternoon, Saeryen Kalador **

"Oh, she has a last name now," said Harry. "I don't know a 'Saeryen Kalador'."

"Neither do I," said Erika. "How does this person know us?"

Xandra continued.

**was reading silly cat stories to her true love, Harry Potter.**

"WHAT?!" shouted Harry. Everyone else laughed, even Sirius.

"Something you want to tell me, Harry?" he asked.

"I don't know any Saeryen Kalador!" Harry snapped. "Okay?!"

"I believe you," Sirius laughed, though Harry knew he was sincere.

"Ahem," said Xandra.

**She sat on a tree swaying in the breeze.**

** "Hey, look!" Harry said suddenly. He pointed to some vacant cabin.**

Harry planted his hand firmly on his face.

"_Please _tell me we're not going in there," he said.

Xandra shrugged, looking at Harry with an expression that suggested pity.

"Great," he groaned.

**Saeryen and Harry went in**

"I knew it!" Harry and Sirius shouted at the same time, though Sirius seemed considerably happier about it than Harry.

"A-HEM," Xandra said again.

**Saeryen and Harry went in, and saw a bunch of**…**princess dresses.**

"Oooookaaay…" Harry said. "That's certainly never happened before.

**There was a note on a crate.**

** Saeryen gasped. "The note says Preminger kidnapped Erika!" she screamed.**

Erika yelped. Anneliese patted her arm.

"It's okay, it's just a story…"

**Quickly, she sped toward the new Kattenland Greenhouse. Using her magic, she shattered the window and cut Erika loose with a severing charm.**

"Excuse me," said Xandra Cessair, "but that's a very dumb place to hide an abducted person. You can see right through the greenhouse walls. Plus, it's a royal greenhouse, isn't it?"

Anneliese nodded. She assumed it must be so.

"Then the king –"

"Queen," corrected Anneliese. "My father is dead."

Everyone except Erika (who had known this for a long time) looked sympathetically at Anneliese.

"Anyway," continued Xandra C., "the Queen is going to be able to see a kidnapped royal in there and expose whoever captured her very quickly."

"Since when was this logical?" sighed the other Xandra. She continued to read.

**"Come on!" she cried, pulling Erika out of the greenhouse by the arm.**

** Once outside, the trio developed a plan. Saeryen and Erika would swap places, then Saeryen would get kidnapped again. Then, she would sing a song that summoned Princess Anneliese, so she would know about this plan.**

"Oh yeah, Saeryen's a magical singer," Sirius remembered.

Erika wondered if Saeryen looked exactly like her, if they were switching places.

**After Saeryen and Erika swapped clothes, Nick and Nack captured Saeryen, thinking she was Erika.**

"We must be twins, then," Erika said.

**While Preminger's back was turned, Saeryen began to sing, calling Anneliese.**

"Anneliese, Anneliese!" Sirius sang, laughing afterward. Anneliese laughed too.

**As soon as the song got loud, Preminger realized it wasn't Erika. It was a cyante!**

"WHAT IS A CYANTE?!" shouted six voices at once.

Just then, a dictionary appeared in Harry's lap. It was flipped to the Cs.

"'Cyante'," Harry read. "'Pronounced 'cyahn-tay'. Noun. The Saeryenis word for a singer, used in English to describe a singer who uses her songs as magic.' What's Saeryenis?" asked Harry as the dictionary vanished.

"At least we know what a 'cyante' is," sighed Sirius.

**So Preminger said, "How could I refuse?"**

"Clever," Anneliese said sarcastically. "Very clever."

Everyone else laughed.

**Anneliese appeared. She got her guards to handcuff Preminger, Nick and Nack. She cut Saeryen loose, and Kattenland was safe once more. THE END**

The book vanished in a puff of purple smoke.

No one was surprised this time.

"So, apparently, books always do that where you come from?" Sirius asked Xandra.

"Yeah," said Xandra. "It makes casting spells from books hard work."

"You're a mage?" asked Xandra Cessair.

Xandra the cat nodded.

"Wow!" exclaimed Xandra C. "It's like we're the same person from two different worlds!"

**AN: And yes, Xandra Cessair (who I created for Dragon Quest 9 as a companion to the main character) is based off of Neopets' Xandra.**


	3. Maia

There was a sudden flash of bright white light, and everyone was momentarily blinded by it.

When it cleared, a lot of them groaned. They had expected to be transported back home.

"Well, that is the way of things," said Xandra the cat with a sigh.

Harry's face contorted into a grimace. His least favorite person in the whole world had appeared: Draco Malfoy stood haughtily in front of the mirror next to Xandra Cessair.

"Wait until my father hears about this!" he spat. "Blood traitors, weird cat-things, _Potter_…"

"I'm not happy to see you either, Malfoy," Harry snapped. "Why is he here?" he asked, as though to an outside presence.

The mysterious voice that had spoken before was silent.

A new book suddenly fell from the ceiling. Erika caught it.

"This one is called 'Maia'," she said.

Everyone shook their heads. None of them knew a Maia.

With a sigh, Erika opened the book and began to read.

**Maia was a Slytherin.**

"Okay, I definitely don't know her," said Draco.

**She shared her Slytherin house with so many nice girls –**

"WHAT?!" Harry and Draco shouted together. Neither of them had seen that side of the house.

**(Draco Malfoy had been extra expelled).**

Draco screamed in fury while everyone else pondered what exactly it meant to be "extra" expelled.

"Oooh," he seethed, "my father won't be happy about this."

Erika ignored Draco and continued.

**At the end of every summer, she had to walk from her palace through a forest to Hogwarts, and had to avoid snakes.**

"But that's dangerous!" Harry protested. "Why isn't she taking the train to school? And what's this about a palace? Is Maia royalty or something?"

Erika glanced at the next sentence and shot a look of foreboding at Sirius. Sirius knew that he would be in this one.

**Sirius Black was in charge of protecting her, because the Orange Queen Katriana –**

Xandra the cat yelped.

Erika planted her hand on her face.

"It's just a story."

She continued: **…because the Orange Queen Katriana (who had turned Voldemort into a cat) was after her.**

Upon hearing the name "Voldemort", Draco yelped.

"How dare you speak the Dark Lord's name?!" he snapped.

Everyone else except Harry and Sirius laughed.

"What a silly name," Anneliese said through giggles.

"NO!" screamed Draco.

"Young man, you are leaving this room if you keep having fits like this," said Erika sternly. "It's just a story. Now, let's continue."

**Everyone but Maia believed Voldemort was still at large, but she knew Katriana was the new, prettier threat.**

Harry laughed.

**Then, Dumbledore told her that to defeat Katriana, she'd need a catjewel.**

Harry laughed again.

"What – haha – is a 'catjewel'?"

Everyone else except for Draco joined in. They didn't know what a "catjewel" was either.

"It's probably a jewel shaped like a cat," chortled Sirius.

**Maia, with Harry Potter's help, sought the extra expelled Draco Malfoy. Draco was hiding in the snakey forest.**

"Really," said Draco, "was I brought here just to be tortured?"

**"AUUGGHH!" screamed Draco like the meow cat he is.**

Draco gave up. It was obvious that this writer didn't like him very much.

**"There are huuuuge snakes in here!"**

** Maia and Harry explained that they need Draco's help.**

Draco smiled. Finally, he was getting something good out of this. Potter and this Maia girl were both dependent on him.

**Draco only agreed because Maia would've turned him into a cat otherwise.**

That broke Draco's silence.

"I could deflect such a spell any day!" he spat.

Both Xandras shushed him. Neither of them was keen on hearing another Draco outburst.

"I know someone like him where I come from," Xandra Cat sighed to Xandra Cessair. "Only she's a girl, and she looks like a…you know, what they call the animals with long ears –"

"Rabbits," said the other Xandra.

"I AM NOT A RABBIT!" screamed Draco furiously.

"Can I please continue?" asked Erika in an exasperated voice.

Harry nodded. He was longing to hear more of Draco getting humiliated by this story.

**Maia searched the forest but the Ministry of Magic came and the three of them had to hide since Katriana was minister now.**

Xandra Cat gasped, but Harry and Sirius said in unison, "Better than Fudge."

**The flying cars –**

"Hold it!" said Sirius. "Flying cars are outlawed by the British Ministry of Magic!"

Erika planted her hand on her face and continued.

** did not find them, and Sirius Black got them away in his own flying car (it looked like a Ministry car). Sirius flew them to the home of his sister Katrina.**

"Um, I don't have a sister," said Sirius. "Just a fool brother who got himself killed. And isn't 'Katrina' the evil person here?"

"Katri_ana _is the evil person," explained Harry. He didn't get why these names were so similar.

**Katrina showed them a bunch of Barbie movies. Draco didn't watch them because he was a meow cat.**

"What does 'meow cat' even mean?!" Draco spat. "Wait 'till my father hears about _this_!"

**Then, Katrina gave Maia a sapphire.**

"THE CATJEWEL!" everyone gasped.

**Suddenly, a Pegasus broke the window and Katriana came!**

Many people shook their heads. A villain like her riding a Pegasus instead of something like a dragon? Xandra Cat and Draco especially doubted the validity of this tale.

**But Maia held up the sapphire –**

"And she was defeated," chorused everyone.

** and **sure enough, **Katriana…turned into a…cat…**

Everyone except Draco chortled.

**She was a cat forever!**

"Now that," said Sirius, "is the best way to defeat any Dark wizard."

**Then, Maia and Harry went to Sirius and Katrina's house, and Harry lived there instead of the Dursleys'.**

"If only," Harry sighed. "If only."


	4. Waiting For Harry

**AN: I'm really sorry I've taken forever to update, everyone! I'll try to have number five up a little sooner!**

Draco Malfoy was furiously griping about how ridiculous "Maia" had been. He didn't know a Maia, and he certainly would never be "extra expelled", whatever that meant. He knew his father would stand up for him and make sure he got a proper schooling.

He was so concentrated on complaining about it that he didn't notice when yet another book appeared in the hands of Xandra Cessair.

"Oh, look!" she said. "Xandra Ca – sorry, I should call you something other than 'cat'. What's your real name?"

"Mi-Miareina," giggled the other Xandra. "Xandra Miareina."

Everyone looked at Xandra C.

"Are you gonna read it?" asked Harry.

Xandra grinned.

"It's called 'Waiting For Harry'," she said.

Harry groaned. Draco smiled. It was fun to see Potter embarrassed.

"I'm sorry," Sirius said.

Xandra opened the book.

**Saeryen was very excited; she was attending a Feast Under the Stars hosted by her good friend Queen Erika.**

"We're back to Saeryen," observed Erika. "I suppose Maia is out of the picture now."

"I'm glad she is," grumbled Draco. "I don't know this Maia, and I already hate her."

"You probably won't like Saeryen much either," Harry replied. "She fancies me, apparently."

"What do I care?!" Draco retorted.

**Once there, the first thing she did was take a waterslide into the school's swimming pool.**

"Wait – 'school'?" inquired Xandra M. "I thought this thing was hosted by a queen?"

Erika nodded. "It should really be at Dulcinia Palace if it's my party," she said.

**After that, she picked up her…**

Xandra C stopped. She could not stop giggling.

"What?" exclaimed the voices of the others.

**…her catfish –**

Everyone else was laughing now too.

"'Catfish'?" laughed Harry. "Really?"

"What was she doing carrying a catfish around?" said Anneliese in between fits of laughter.

"What a fool!" Draco said, guffawing.

Once the laughter had subsided, Xandra C went back to reading the ridiculous story.

**She picked up her catfish and headed to the cafeteria.**

** She got pancakes, waffles, and trifle to eat. She searched for her true love, Harry Potter –**

"I KNEW IT!" exclaimed Harry and Sirius while Draco chortled.

**…but Ron said he wouldn't be coming until Saeryen's mother finished a cake.**

"What does that have to do with anything?" Harry asked. "And why would I even come?"

**"I believe in you!" cried out Saeryen, and her mother and Erika made the cake.**

Erika shook her head. "I don't really cook."

**Saeryen rushed to the door, but Draco the Snake-o Malfoy appeared!**

"Draco…the _Snake-o_?!" Draco spat. "Is she kidding?! _That's _my name?!"

Harry laughed. It was an apt nickname.

**He hinted that Saeryen liked him.**

"_What _the –?!" Draco snapped. "This girl is as barking mad as Maia! Why would I fancy her, or want her to fancy me?!"

**What was worse, he deflected all of Saeryen's Lapifors spells.**

Draco smiled. Was his plan – whatever it was – going to work in this tale?

**Saeryen ran past, and Draco ran after her.**

"Go ahead!" Draco shouted. "Get as far away from me as you want, you crazy girl!"

**The door opened…and Harry Potter was there!**

Harry groaned.

**Saeryen hugged him tightly.**

Draco chuckled. Potter getting embarrassed...maybe something good was coming out of this madness after all.

**"NOOOOOO!" Draco screamed.**

"And that's the end," Xandra Cessair said as she closed the book.

"YESSSSS!" Draco screamed.


	5. Sirius Black's River of Cats

Draco was moaning.

"What did I do to deserve _this_?!" he groaned.

After "Maia" and "Waiting for Harry," he was convinced this was a punishment for something. He couldn't think what. He was always right, and superior to most of the other students. After all, his father had told him so. Why doubt him?

Suddenly, another blinding light came, and when it cleared, there stood Neville Longbottom next to the two Xandras.

Neville had a nervous look on his face. He smiled upon seeing Harry, but his smile changed instantly to a look of fear upon seeing Draco. He nervously looked around the room.

"Oh, that's Neville," said Harry. "He's my friend."

"He's not mine," scoffed Draco, as if the very idea was a horrible crime.

Erika, Anneliese, Sirius and the two Xandras introduced themselves. Neville gradually looked calmer. He didn't know any of these people (and what was with the cat girl?) but they seemed nice.

Suddenly, a new book appeared in the hands of Harry.

"It's called…"

He grinned. _What?_

"What's it called?" Xandra Miareina asked, inching closer to Harry.

He giggled. "It's called _Sirius Black's River of Cats_."

"Well, read it!" cried Xandra happily. This was sure to be another fun story. They had all been pretty funny, except for the occasional appearance of Katriana, but then again she was portrayed as so pathetic that she didn't seem nearly as threatening as she was in real life.

Harry opened the book.

**"Look!" Saeryen cried. "There's a cat just sitting there!"**

** Saeryen and Harry rushed to the middle of the Hogsmeade road, but when Saeryen tried to pick the cat up, it ran away.**

"What's a cat doing in _Hogsmeade_, of all places?!" spat Draco.

Neville shook his head. Harry didn't know what to think either.

"I wonder when you're going to appear," Harry said to his godfather. He continued to read.

**The two followed – and found a little creek full of swimming cats and kittens!**

"_How on Earth did the Ministry of Magic not find out about this_?!" yelled Draco.

**The orange kitten –**

"Hold it!" said Xandra Miareina.

"What?" asked Harry.

"What 'orange kitten'? Is this the same cat that you and Saeryen were chasing after?"

Harry shrugged.

** – slipped into Saeryen's hands, and then ran off, only to be caught by…**

Harry paused dramatically.

**Sirius Black!**

"_What?!_" cried Neville in the commotion that ensued. Xandra Miareina uttered an "ah!" of understanding, and Sirius had a look on his face that echoed what Neville had just said. Anneliese and Erika erupted into giggles, looking at Sirius. Draco groaned. Where were the _good _stories? About _him_?

"I'm on the run! What in Merlin's name am I doing in Hogsmeade?" asked a dumbfounded Sirius Black.

**"Hello," said Sirius. "I'm these kittens' guardian. Let's go to my house!"**

Sirius laughed his bark-like laugh.

"As if," he said. "Grimmauld Place is nowhere nearby." Harry nodded in agreement.

"What's this 'Grimmauld Place'?" Draco inquired.

"None of your business!" Sirius snapped at him. He knew Snape would never let him hear the end of it if the Malfoys found out where the Order of the Phoenix was headquartered.

**So they went to Sirius Black's new…less grim…old…place –**

Harry couldn't hold it in anymore. He laughed. It was not only silly, but he had just now gotten the pun. He continued to read, his flow broken by giggles.

**It was…warm and welcoming?**

Now Sirius laughed, too.

"If my dear mother was alive today, she would have to give me a stern talking to," he guffawed.

"Oh, she would have a bone to pick with you if she read this _next sentence_," Harry replied, grinning.

**"Let's have a party!" said Sirius.**

"Aaaaaand now I know why _you're _here," Harry said to Neville, looking at the next page. He read on.

**Neville was invited, as was Ron and Hermione.**

"Bad grammar!" both Xandras said together.

"'As _was _Ron and Hermione? Come on!" Xandra Miareina scolded the unseen author.

**For some reason…Bellatrix came?**

"Really?" Harry said as Neville and Sirius both shouted "WHAT?!"

**…but she wore a pair of magical cat ears which prevented her from doing any evil stuff.**

Sirius laughed again. Bellatrix in cat ears…now _that _was something he had to see.

Harry continued.

**"Let's play hide and seek!" said Sirius.**

** Melody, Neville's little sister –**

"I don't have a sister," Neville protested.

"For some reason, whoever wrote this wishes you did," Harry replied.

** – jumped for joy.**

** Saeryen hid behind the back door curtains with Sirius. She could hear Bellatrix's mad giggling.**

"_Who in their right mind would make her 'it'?!_" Sirius shouted. "Cat ears or not!"

"What makes you think –" Xandra Miareina began, but Sirius cut her off, explaining that any sort of sound gives a hider away, and Bellatrix had not only evaded the Ministry of Magic many times (until they finally caught her), but she had also recently escaped prison.

"Let's just go on," said Xandra Cessair, planting her face in her hand.

**Then she saw the creek full of cats being flooded by a storm!**

Everyone gasped, including Draco. He had not expected that.

**Saeryen ran outside. She had to save the cats!**

"She's not at all worried about my mad cousin?" Sirius wondered aloud in disbelief.

"Neither are you," said Harry, eyeing the next line.

**Sirius came too. He had grown cat ears.**

Everyone laughed.

"It must be a family trait," Sirius snorted.

**He turned into Padfoot –**

"What's 'Padfoot'?!" Draco immediately demanded.

"It's – something this author made up," Harry quickly answered.

**…and picked up some cats and put them safely ashore. Saeryen picked some cats up and put them in the house. Soon all the cats were out.**

"Good work, Saeryen and Sirius!" said Xandra M., smiling.

**Bellatrix screamed. All the cats wanted her attention.**

"That's likely," said Sirius sarcastically but with a touch of humor in a way that reminded Harry of Fred and George Weasley.

**"Katrynculus!" shouted Neville.**

"We never learned that," said Harry, Neville, Sirius and Draco all at once.

**Bellatrix turned into a cat.**

Neville cheered.

**Then Sirius adopted her and all the other cats, who let Saeryen and the others pet them.**

"Why?!" shouted Sirius, again in disbelief.

"I thought it said you were _already _the cats' guardian," Erika interjected.

**Eventually, all of Sirius's catnip and pets and love made Bellatrix the…**

Harry laughed for a full minute before continuing.

**…sweetest cat…and she liked it so much that she decided to be a cat forever.**

"The end!" Harry declared, closing the pink book, which immediately vanished, but this time no one noticed among the hearty laughter of Harry and his acquaintances.


	6. Max and Threeatink

**AN: In addition to my seven Ridiculous Stories I wrote down in a notebook during free time at school, I've also decided to include some childhood writing! The following fanfic is based on the Max and Ruby books by Rosemary Wells. Enjoy!**

"How long are we going to be here?" Xandra M. complained. "I'm starving!"

"_That will be taken care of, don't worry_!" said the cheery voice that had talked to them earlier.

Suddenly, a little book appeared in Draco's lap.

` "_Max and Threeatink_," he read from the title. "And it shows a white rabbit and a grey rabbit who look like a child drew them." He showed the others the cover.

He was disgusted by the "Awww, cute!" comments of the others.

"I'm gonna read this one," Draco announced. He opened it and began.

**Once, Max and Threeatink were two colors of rabbits.**

"Are these people or colors?" asked Harry.

"Shut up, Potter," Draco retorted. "This writer is an idiot. Look what she says next!"

**One was white and one was gray. Threeatink was the gray rabbit, and Max was the white rabbit.**

"So they're _two rabbits of different colors_," Xandra M. corrected the unseen writer.

**Rabbits are only gray and white.**

"No they're not, you stupid – hold on, what?!"

**But they're also black and brown sometimes.**

"So they're _only _two colors, but they can be other colors also?! What is with this person?!" Draco snapped.

**Then – **"'Then'? After what?" – **Threeatink said, "Max, are you thirsty?" Max said, "Yes, I'm thirsty." So Max had lemonade for a drink.**

"What's this rubbish?!" Draco barked. "It's too cutesy and sugary! Can't we read something decent, like, I don't know, a Dark Arts book?!"

Neville gasped, and Erika chastised Draco for continuing to be such a brat.

**Ruby was sitting outside with no one, but Max and Threeatink were still together.**

"Why even _mention _her, then?" Draco said in disbelief. He showed them the accompanying drawing of a rabbit in green marker.

"Oh, wait, I get it!" Harry said suddenly.

He went on to explain that this story was probably based on the "Max and Ruby" children's books by the Muggle author Rosemary Wells, whose characters were animals.

"Well, that's rubbish!" said Draco in reply. "Why even acknowledge the existence of such a thing?"

He turned the page.

**And Max said, "Threeatink, we are always together." And Threeatink said, "Yes, we are."**

"Awww," everyone except Draco sighed.

**Next, Max and Threeatink went inside, but Ruby always sat outside.**

"Why even _mention _Ruby when she's not in this story?" Draco said sighing. This author obviously didn't have much sense, especially if she was the same person who made a fool of him in two other stories.

**Then Max and Threeatink went to the pink part of the outside. That's not where –**

"AUGH!" Draco screamed, throwing the little book directly at Xandra Cessair.

"Ow!" Xandra C. squealed. She picked the book up off of the floor. Then, she turned to Draco, glaring angrily.

"You better not do that again!" she snapped. "I know magical spells, I warn you!"

"So?!" retorted Draco. "I'm the best dueler –"

Immediately one of Xandra's hands caught fire. She wasn't freaking out, though. She instead seemed very calm about it as she continued to glare at the spoiled Slytherin brat.

His mouth dropped open upon the sight of her hand. It wasn't burned at all. In fact it looked completely unharmed.

"Stop it!" shouted Xandra Miareina. At once Xandra C. extinguished her fireball.

Xandra M. picked the book up. "I'll read from here on out," she said.

**That's not where Ruby was sitting with no one.**

"Really?" she said to Draco. "You threw the book at Xandra over that?"

**Max and Threeatink stayed in the pink part of the outside. Threeatink said, "Max, let's stay here for a second."**

"Why say it out loud?" Draco said. "If you wanna just sit there, that's what you usually do. God, this thing is rubbish."

**Then they sat there for a second.**

"The end!" Xandra declared.

"That was…anticlimactic," Harry said.


	7. The Triwizard Princess

**AN: Katreya is my OC, and is here since this next story features her. She is from the same world as my original story **_**The Sparks on Kalador**_**.**

**I apologize to Katreya for putting her through this.**

Xandra Miareina was, by now, feeling quite faint from hunger. And she wasn't the only one.

Suddenly, the cheery voice rang out yet again.

"_Go downstairs, everyone!_" it – she – said (it was obviously the voice of a girl). "_There's food and stuff!_"

The party of eight made their way down the white spiral staircase. Harry, Anneliese and Erika stared in awe out the big window. They were gazing a water garden full of clear blue water, gorgeous silver tiles, and gushing fountains.

After passing the beautiful lobby, they all went down the basement stairs – and gasped.

An enormous playground stood in the middle of the heavily windowed room. It had waterslides coming from it. There were buckets of water, including a giant one at the top, that occasionally tipped over. By the entrance was a sign that said THE KITRA.

Near the Kitra were some silver tables and chairs, just out of reach of the water. And near these was what looked like an ice cream stand, but it had so much more than ice cream. There lay plates of the favorite foods of everyone there – except for Draco, whose plate (which had a toothpick sign saying it was his) was full of what looked like gummy worms.

"_What?!_" Draco screeched.

"_Well, maybe if you weren't such a brat, you would get something better!_" said the voice.

"_Longbottom_!" he yelled at Neville. "Give me some of yours or –"

But in that instant Neville had been mysteriously transported from the spot where he was standing to a place at a table, and Draco suddenly found himself wearing a T-shirt with cute kittens on it under his Slytherin robes.

As they all ate their food, a new book suddenly appeared in Neville's lap.

"It's called _The Triwizard Princess_," he said.

Suddenly, there was a familiar burst of white light and when it cleared, there was a ninth chair at the table. And in it sat a girl who looked only two years Harry's senior. She had dark brown wavy hair that fell to her shoulders, green eyes that were slightly gold, pink skin and was wearing a yellow dress that looked like one a princess from the Renaissance era would wear. And indeed, she did seem to be one, for on her head lay a small golden tiara.

"Oh, hello," Harry said to the newcomer.

She stood up and curtsied.

"Greetings. I am Princess Katreya of Katorcia."

Anneliese and Erika stood and curtsied too. They had never heard of Katorcia, but they knew real jewels when they saw them. Katreya was doubtlessly true royalty.

"Well, shall we read this?" Neville asked. "You're probably in this one, Your Highness."

"Please," the girl said, "call me Katreya."

Neville opened the book.

**Katreya was running away because they wanted her to do the Triwizard Tournament –**

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" said Harry. "Why does she have to do the Tournament all of a sudden? And who's this 'they' who wanna make her do it?"

Katreya shook her head. Anneliese, Erika and the two Xandras gave Harry blank looks.

"Oh," he said. He briefly explained what the Triwizard Tournament was. "Go on, Neville."

**…but she still had to learn Rictusempra.**

"The Tickling Charm?" Sirius said curiously. "How old is she in this story, twelve?!" He was getting angry. "Why make her do that if she's a second year?! If the Ministry of Magic is doing this I would like to have some words with –"

"It's just a story!" Draco snapped.

**She finally reached Professor Lockhart's door and banged on it.**

Harry began to do some math in his head.

"So if Katreya's seventeen now, and this takes place when I was twelve, she would be –"

_Fourteen_. Harry felt a chill. It was the same age he had been when _he _had been forced into the Tournament against his will.

"Why ask that pathetic failure for any help?" Draco spat. Harry and Neville didn't show it, but they silently agreed with Draco for once. Lockhart had _not _been a competent teacher.

**Since Lockhart had amnesia –**

"Explains why the Chamber of Secrets isn't an issue here," Neville interjected.

**–he had Preminger as his assistant.**

Anneliese and Erika gasped. Harry was about to say something when Erika said, "Better people than this Lockhart have been deceived by Preminger."

**Preminger opened the door for Katreya. He told her that he would guide her through the spell challenge but to avoid his dog, who was angry about losing his golden tooth.**

"Let me guess," said Anneliese. "He's going to make _sure _she runs into that dog."

Katreya trembled. She didn't like where this was going.

Harry put his hand on Katreya's shoulder. "It's okay," he said. "It's just a story."

**Katreya entered the challenge. The fire crabs were green and friendly and went onto the plates for her.**

Everyone who knew what a fire crab was burst out laughing.

"So she…ate some fire crabs?" Draco guffawed.

"I actually think they walked onto something that would unlock a door for her," Neville said through laughter.

"I think you've all been hit with Rictusempra," Katreya said, finally speaking a second time.

That made everyone laugh harder.

**However, the snails were very huge and purple so Katreya casted Rictusempra and Flipendo-ed the snails onto their plates.**

"'Snails'?" Sirius wondered aloud in disbelief. "Really?"

No one had a long time to take a breather from the constant guffawing. Katreya was laughing now too. Giant purple snails…now _that _was a sight she had to see.

When the laughter cleared at last, Neville returned to reading.

**But Preminger called the Ministry of Magic –**

"_Vile sneak_!" Erika shouted angrily.

**– and soon they were after Katreya. Katreya ran away to a secret room and Rictusempra'd a grey block.**

"So the Ministry of Magic is after you, and you're _tickling blocks_?!" Draco scoffed rudely at Katreya, who buried her head in her hands.

"Stop. Picking. On. Her," Harry told Malfoy hotly. "Katreya, are you okay?"

"I-I think so," she stammered, pulling herself up.

Erika put her hand on Katreya's shoulder. "It's okay hun," she said. "It's only a story."

"I'm scared!" she squealed. "I didn't even know there was a Ministry of Magic until –"

"Wherever they are, they can't hurt you," Erika reassured her.

` **The block disappeared and revealed a secret passage. Katreya went in, and no Ministry member ever found her.**

Katreya sighed in relief.

**She escaped to Hogwarts and saw Saeryen –**

Shouts of "yes!" and "no!" filled the air. Draco and Harry had had enough of "Saeryen", but Sirius rather liked her. He thought if she were real, she might be the kind of person Harry would fall for, and he would approve.

Neville continued to read

**…saw Saeryen fighting with Draco. "Prove it, you snake-o!" shouted Saeryen.**

"Prove _what_?" Draco snapped. "And stop calling me 'snake-o'!"

**Suddenly, Draco knocked out Saeryen with a spell!**

Draco said "_Yes_!" in a stage whisper, while everyone else gasped.

**So Katreya carried Saeryen to Snape's classroom, where there was a crib. Katreya put Saeryen in it.**

"Bad idea," Harry said, slightly cautioning the real Katreya in case she should ever meet Professor Snape. "If Snape has a crib, he probably would have a baby or a young child" – he laughed, imagining Snape as the father of some toddler – "and he's really strict and unfair, so he won't be happy."

**Then, Snape came in.**

"Uh-oh," Neville, Harry, and Sirius said together.

**"What the cat shaped mittens are you doing?!" he screamed.**

Everyone who knew Snape laughed.

**Then he saw Saeryen. He turned a cauldron into a penguin and the penguin woke Saeryen up.**

Everyone laughed harder.

"I can't believe Snivellus did that to his precious potions equipment," Sirius said through guffaws.

"A penguin?" said Harry. "Really? The most logical thing to do would be to contact Madame Pomfrey if you find someone's fainted in your classroom."

**Saeryen saw Snape and…turned his shoes into cats for…no…reason…**

"Five points from Gryffindor," Harry said in a Snape-like tone. Everyone except Draco laughed.

"No detention?" asked Neville.

"Oh, yes, DETENTION!" Sirius replied, using his best "Snivellus" voice.

**Then, she and Katreya went to Xandra's house in Altador and the three of them played on the Kitra all night.**

"Now I actually _do _want to play on the Kitra," said Xandra Miareina, for she was the one who lived in Altador.

"Fifty points for skipping detention!" Harry said mockingly. Then he laughed.

The book, which had disappeared, was all but forgotten as everyone's clothes changed into swimsuits and everyone except Draco went to play on the Kitra and continue to impersonate Professor Snape.


End file.
